


The Many Deaths of You

by chaoticrandomness



Category: Mahou Shoujo Madoka Magika | Puella Magi Madoka Magica
Genre: Character Study, Gen, POV Second Person, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-21
Updated: 2014-08-21
Packaged: 2018-02-14 04:44:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 470
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2178387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chaoticrandomness/pseuds/chaoticrandomness
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which I attempt a character study of Kamijou.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Many Deaths of You

During your stay in the hospital, you’ve come to a pair of conclusions.

 

a: You are absolutely nothing without your violin. Nothing. And as your hand is currently mangled beyond repair and will have to either be amputated or replaced with a prosthetic, that renders you unable to play. Forever.

 

(You suppose you could get a robotic hand, but technology probably hasn’t gotten to that point.)

 

b: Due to the fact that you are absolutely nothing, you should die as soon as possible.

 

* * *

 

You wish for disaster. For someone to accidentally poison your food, or for someone to break in and shoot you….

 

Or, you suppose, you could get Sayaka to kill you. No one would suspect her….

 

_No, it’d break her. You know she loves you._

_She shouldn’t love a broken person…._

What about Hitomi? She doesn’t visit you as often, but you could just ask her to kill you….

 

_No._

_That’s the problem. Too many people love you._

Everyone else is out of the question. The nurses wouldn’t hurt you, it’d break your parents, and the only other person who visits you is a friend of Sayaka and Hitomi named Madoka Kaname.

 

_She’d think you’re insane as well._

_You’re just letting nature run its course, right? You shouldn’t have survived that car crash…._

* * *

 

“It’s a miracle…. I can’t believe his hand’s back to normal.”

 

You’re dreaming. They’ve told you that there’s no way your hand could be saved…. yet…. you can move your left hand.

 

You can move your left hand.

 

You aren’t broken anymore. You’re a person again…. but you’re going to have to reteach your hand all of its fingerings and go back to the beginning of your training….

 

Just because you can move your hand, doesn’t mean all of your problems are solved….

 

_“I love you.”_

 

You’re not in an emotional state to get into a romantic relationship with anyone.

 

* * *

 

You still dream of death. And they’re incredibly vivid dreams.

 

They all feature a girl in red with a spear slicing you to bits. Sometimes, she attempts to choke you as well.

 

_“You killed Sayaka Miki”_

That’s the only thing she says to you.

 

_“You killed Sayaka Miki”_

Sometimes, you wish that the dream was reality. That way, you don’t have to wake up feeling like an even worse failure that you already are.

 

_“You killed Sayaka Miki”_

* * *

 

They never found the body, but that doesn’t matter. Sayaka Miki is dead and you killed her.

 

_Why do you believe the girl in your dreams?_

_Because they feel like reality. Even though they’re all set in something that appears to be a cross between a concert hall and a cathedral._

You’re capable of playing the cello, yet you have no idea why you’re playing one at her funeral.

 

(Because the violin feels too much like death.)

 

 


End file.
